Harmed
She was wild, her ancestry weaved and twisted in the blood that ran through her veins and rippled under her skin. The pads that lay on the underside of her paws were familiar with the texture of dry grass, beaten by the heat of the merciless African sun, and her pelt was bleached and dusty, scarred from her childhood tousles. Yet now, her claws were blunt and her limbs cramped by the cold concrete floor that surrounded her, and her ears grown tired to the never ending cracks of whips that hung above her head, driving her leaps through circles of fire.
He was a striped youth, brought up in the forgotten nooks and crannies of the once favored circus. His pelt consisted of a bundle of fur, matted by the lasting layer of settled dust, which engulfed the water he was supposedly meant to drink, and blanketed the surface of his locked up enclosure. The slightest shift of a limb, or the most fragile gust of downwards directed breath would send the fine particles flying upwards like the ash of a newly erupted Mt Fuji.
She cowered as the end of the tightly wrapped rope lashed past her muzzle, sending an unnerving crack through the arena. Her eyes reflected the flames of the blazing ring as she sensed the warmth beat menacingly close to her chest, barely incinerating her hide.At the sight of the approaching whip, she stumbled and plummeted into the blaze.
He padded the boundary of the enclosed stage, observing the nearing threat. His vision blurred, his lack of food finally taking its toll on his flesh and bone. He barely reacted when pain swept across his frail structure and numbed his thoughts and senses. His back throbbed, a clear indentation right behind his left shoulder.
She bellowed as she collided into the brim of the flaming hoop, the red hot metal searing a streak across her chest, burning her skin beyond repair. Her roar raced across the circus grounds and she tumbled as her forepaws hit the earth.
His ears flickered, sensing torment from the opposite side of the grounds. He paused, feeling sympathy for the animal that had followed in suite to a tormented existence. Immediately his aggressive essence reacted, and he leapt at the striker as a second blow lashed across his right eye. He fell short of a certain massacre, his eyes swirling into a mass of colors, like that of fuel and water merging together.
Her chest throbbed, an unceasing pain that constricted her breath. The sear was deep, yet there was no bandage wrapped around her chest, no nursing to heal the wound, not the faintest hint of pity for the traumatized beast. The heap of straw underneath her paw fluttered at her breath, her wary eyes scanning every feature and detail of the wooden crate.
He stirred, his legs shoving against the wood barrier that surrounded him. His sight was severed, his right eye beyond use. A snarl made its way from his throat and escaped his lips as a thundering roar that would have scared the life out of any sizeable beast. A feeble growl uttered a response, sparking curiosity in the heart of an animal that so rarely showed interest in anything, neither living nor deceased. He unhurriedly shifted to address an odd pair amber eyes intently staring at him through the poorly sized air holes.
She flinched at the sight of him. His right eye was blind, a fog of various shades swirling, similar to that of smoke rising from a drowned fire. A raw gash ran across it, from the upper eyelid far enough to make the right side of his face grin in the same way that the Cheshire cat grinned at Alice for the first time.
He trembled at the sound of the human voice. A pair of them walked not far from the crates and their voices rang ignorantly through the warehouse, disturbing the big cats.
Added (1). She never had understood the tongue of humans, and never would. She understood them just as well as they understood her and as a result, they sounded to her like yet another unfamiliar species trying to converse with each other.
He had lived in the presence of the cruel beast since he was a cub and had firm images planted into the back of his mind from adolescence. His hatred towards them burned hotter than the gouge in her chest, yet he cowered in their presence, the realization of a more intelligent species taking revenge on the predators that once hunted their kind frightened even the largest beasts.
The conversation between the two humans was hurried, a decision to be agreed upon quickly. One of the cats was wounded beyond use, a purposeless scrap of meat.To heal her would cost and arm and a leg, the poverty-stricken circus had no such money. The second feline was a hazard, a living risk on stage. Severed sight was no advantage either, a reason for him to be increasingly high
Added (2). (cut off the end)
my question is would there be any suggestions, this is my final draft?
См. статью: Read please? Descriptive writing?