Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Poetry: May I have some feedback on this piece that I've reworked some please?

Carousel

Carousel, be the envy of my peers
From this spot you can take me anywhere
Every nook and cranny of this flat planet
If it isn't flat there wouldn't be understanding

Carousel, you make me feel young again
Instead of pretending to be older than I am
As a young man, I'm filled with so much space
I've outgrown my inner child and now my name

Makes me feel like, I have a number in hand
Carousel, spin faster so I can wonder again
Under your bright lights I now feel so secure
Wondering why my friends don't ride you anymore

There would be no need to feel embarrassed
The children here would eagerly accept us
Less can be said about the ones who raised them
Whom remain the same no matter the season

For just a moment
For just a moment

Carousel, be a factor to my peers
Show them a world that is simple and clear
To feel like I'm five than how I do now
If I was someone else, I wouldn't want me around



We knew how this would end
When the dizziness settles in
Seems like all there ever is
All there ever was
Ever was
All that there will ever be

All there ever was
Ever was
All that there will ever be

Thanks for reading

См. статью: Poetry: May I have some feedback on this piece that I've reworked some please?